I'm not always happy.

Right now, I'm angry. I want to be able to place blame for everything in my life that I dislike on someone else, but to do so goes against everything I consider true.

I am responsible for the state of my life.

Don't kid yourself. You are also responsible for the state of your own life. Very few people don't have this kind of responsibility. If you're reading this, you're not one of them.

When I get into this kind of mood, it seems like the ideal world would be the one just after a great cataclysm--the apocalypse. The Earth's population reduced by 80%, law and government nonexistent, kill to survive--a world where nothing means anything, a world where I can be as horrible as I please.

It sounds like I just read Fight Club and am briefly riding the anarchist wave. The pro/antagonist's goal in that novel was to destroy and live simpler, but well. Such is not my intent; I would destroy and I would keep destroying until I was destroyed myself.

With enough passion channeled into it, a human being is capable of anything. Those who think they could never commit atrocities simply haven't been in the right situation.

In moods like this, the thing I want most is the right situation.

And the scary thing is, I kind of like thinking like this.