I don't hate symbolism; I don't hate celebration. I hate the conglomeration of the two that is called the holiday.

I hate the ridiculous people who come to the coffee shop ten minutes before I'm ready to open.

I hate the fact that my roommate, B, told me two days ago that, when he went to college, he purposefully underwent a complete change of personality so that other people would find him, as a whole, more palatable. I hate that, when pressed as to why, he responded with something along the lines of, "because it's more fun." I am probably overthinking it, but the fact that a guy who has the sorts of opinions and ideas that he does would go through such an overhaul is still hard to wrap my head around.

He's told me before that I'd enjoy life more if I did something similar.

I already have to surround myself with enough people I don't give a flying fuck about. I won't change myself so I can meet even more of them.

The difference between he and I, I think, is the fact that he's bold enough to make a mockery of someone standing right in front of him and allow them to think they're being laughed with, not at.

I prefer to simply keep myself as distanced as possible from what I truly dislike and get my giggles from it inside my own mind.

I postulated to him that people do nothing that does not result in some gain for themselves; there's no such thing as a selfless act.

Analogy followed, per B:

Everyone has a neverending hole that they're trying to fill with dirt. If you're always seeking to fill your own hole, you of course never will because it's a goddamn neverending hole. However, if you help other people fill their neverending holes, you busy yourself so that you forget you even have a hole to begin with. Thereby do we gain fulfillment. No hole, no need to fill it.

As wise as this is, it's still not a selfless way to live. Filling another's hole to forget your own? It's the same principle with an extra step.

B called me a miserable nihilist.

I accept these things as truth, however, and I am not miserable at all.