These days, the convenience of processing potential employees' applications online has become too much for most major companies to resist. Good for them, bad for people like me.

These online applications tend to come with some kind of inane personality test. On these tests I pick the most logical answers (like they ask you to) which also tend to be the most professional and overall likely most average answers.

Every online application I've ever filled out has told me something to the effect of, "we thank you for wasting your time with us, but we have decided to pursue other applicants." Am I doing the personality test wrong? Should I lie more?

I went into Sears today to apply for a part-time seasonal position. I spent at least fifteen minutes walking through the store and talking to one of the senior employees from the jewelry department. She showed me the application center, but I couldn't apply there because their computers weren't working. I went home and applied online. The lady I talked to told me that I would be able to arrange an interview online, but mentioned nothing about being shot out of the fucking saddle before anyone even got to talk to me.

So what the fuck? I am an experienced cashier, friendly, I have references, but somehow none of this matters because when asked about a neglected in-store mess I answered, "I would clean up the mess the other employee made," instead of, "I would go tell my supervisor," and effectively doomed myself to be unfit for hire because a fucking computer decided I didn't make the grade.

Fuck you and your mother and your mother's mother, Sears online application.

The funny thing is, I really am terribly mean. All the friendliness I exude is a facade I put up to make the world find me more palatable.