I survived orientation. We just sat there and watched videos for three hours. There were five newbies, including me: the sorority chick I got hired with, a huuuuuuuuge skank, some pretty dark-complexioned girl, and some lady who was a bit older than the rest of us. I had to sit next to the skank, who was just completely awful. She had the universal skank hair, which is where the skank uses a whole bunch of product to plaster her hair to the sides of her head, then puts it in a bun or pony-tail that sits high on her head. She also had the skank eyebrows, which are eyebrows that are plucked so much they are only a thin little line and look nothing like eyebrows should. She came to orientation dressed in scrubs, and had the official skank adopted hood accent. I have no idea how she managed to get hired. I had to sit next to her while we watched the videos, and the whole time I thought she was going to give me hepatitis.

Earlier that morning, as previously mentioned, I got into a tiff with my boss. She went ballistic on a customer who did not provoke her because she was angry at me. It went like this:

She and I were having a conversation about something I can't remember when Person A walks in the door. Person A is a friendquaintance of mine who used to fuck S. He's a philosophy major, acts like he's stoned all the time, loves to debate (he's a philosophy major) and doesn't take any shit from anyone. He's kind of a douche and if you get into a conversation with him, it's hard to get out of it. Now. Person A walked in with a friend, and as soon as they entered, my boss, mid-word, got up and started bitching about the noise the coffee shop door makes. She went over there to try and fix it, and while she was at the door, I joked with Person A about her having ADD. This is what set her off.

Already upset because she doesn't have anything even remotely resembling a sense of humor, she came back over. I don't remember this part, but she says when she came over, I said something like, "and here she is." She took that to mean that Person A wanted to talk to her, so she addressed him. Agressively. There was a very curt can I help you followed by Person A's well I'm not sure yet. Boss then went into her 'I'm trying to sell you something' schpiel and couldn't have sounded more angry. I gave Person A a 'what the hell?' look, and that's when he called her out on it. He said half jokingly, "I'm getting a lot of attitude." Our slogan is 'Coffee with an Attitude.' She said, "are you talking to me?" and it all went downhill from there. She refused to apologize to him for her rudeness, asked him to lower his voice when he talked to her, and then he walked out, stating he would never come here again. Two other dining customers in the shop left shortly thereafter.

She then acted like he had been the asshole, and when I explained to her that she had been incredibly rude, she lit into me, blaming me for her ridiculous overreaction. I fed her an apology to give her some cool down time, then about thirty minutes later, approached her about the way she treats customers and employees.

She still refuses to acknowledge what a huge asshole she can be to us (the employees), but she did admit she was wrong in this single instance of customer abuse (not her only instance I've witnessed). I've decided she's completely impossible and I'm done trying. Social Darwinism will take its course.

Person A works in the mall, in the arcade, so after B&BW orientation, I went and apologized to him, then I extracted myself from the potentially infinite conversation because B called me. He's a lifesaver.

On Thursday I went to B&BW for register training, then we were supposed to go to the fair, but the plans were canceled. I don't remember what else happened.

Yesterday I went to work and my coworker and I played Infinity Questions, which is like 20 questions, but you get to ask as many as you need.

While I was reading Billy Graham's advice column, I mentioned to coworker that Billy Graham gives pretty good advice to his target audience. There are a lot of people out there to which what he says does not apply, but I don't think he ever says anything that obviously will not work for a Christian. Anyway, coworker disagreed and wished he could write Billy Graham and get his question in the paper. I gave him the next best option, the Billy Graham advice hotline. We then proceeded to prank call the hell out of it. Coworker called first and just asked how they could help him, but that wasn't good enough, so after he hung up, we formulated something amazing.

I told the hotline guy I was 98 and my best friend had a 15 year old grandson who had been caught masturbating. I said his grandmother had told him he would get hairy palms and that I hoped that was just a rumor because I was worried for my eternal soul because I was a frequent masturbator. The guy stopped believing me at this point, so I cranked up the volume and sounded completely worried and intensely upset (which was easy because I was already having an adrenaline rush because I never prank call anyone) and I told him I thought hairy palms were a sign of the devil. Then he went on about how God designed "those parts" for a married man and woman. I told him my husband of 40 years died in a car crash which left me unable to walk and I was in a wheelchair. He told me to talk to my pastor's wife about my problem and I told him I called him for the anonymity. Then he told me to pray. Meanwhile, coworker listens to me and nearly shits himself with laughter.

You know. Had I really been in that situation, I don't think I would've been helped one bit.

Billy Graham hotline operator fails.

And now my toast is ready. I must away.