I spent most of yesterday having an anxiety attack. I couldn't place why and that made it even worse.

I might be going slightly crazy. I've had an almost overwhelming urge to quit both my jobs and do something entirely new/slightly ridiculous like drive a bus or teach day-care or become a political assassin.

B was made somewhat nervous by my unexplained anxiety as well. We did some grocery shopping and I'm fairly certain I acted as paranoid and twitchy as possible the whole time, until we got home. To be at home was really all I wanted; I calmed down right away when we got there. Dinner got fixed, sleep was had, I don't feel so threadbare today.

Every so often, this happens to me. I look over my life and I have a moment of clarity about how boring and useless a lot of the things I'm doing are, and I want to change them.

I want to change them in a way that might be interesting but certainly not beneficial to what my long-term goals might be.

The goal now is save up enough dough to attend school.

The anxiety is caused by the length of time between now and the anticipated date of attaining the goal. The rationale behind it: It's so hazily placed in the distance that it's probably a mirage anyway, so why shouldn't I just do whatever I feel like?

Conflict on a large scale is caused in my head, this makes me susceptible to fret over the hundreds of minor annoyances each day that I normally wouldn't even give a passing nod, and I start acting like a paranoid, panicky asshole.

Fuck, my coworker is here. He likes to stand over my shoulder while I write. Hide, hide!!